hristy (hristy) wrote,

I've been depressed latley, I am hoping things get better for me

I used to post alot here, I guess it was different before the rise of facebook, myspace and other annoying services, I don't even know anyone that uses myspace anymore, I think I still like some of the old school things though I need to explore more of the webs but it gets tough since I've been poor lately.

It is unfortunate when you are poor though, I've been poor for the last forever, there's been some good spans of time when I've had some good jobs or contract work but lately its been tough trying to make it. For alot of the last many years there's been some tough days, when I'm low on food or just depressed, it makes it really hard to get into the swing of things. I keep on wanting to do things but I get so depressed it makes it tough, sometimes I feel so sad it's like I've left part of my life drift away since I am not living it up.

I love the times when things are great, I have had alot of great things in the last decade, it is funny how much time has passed, I remember the beginning of 2000, and before, there was alot of tough times then I recall. I always wanted to do more role playing and enjoy star trek and rpgs more even make a business out of them or get a good web comic going. I always was envious of big web comics, there are so many, so many that suck though, maybe all the good ones end short and disappear, I still want to publish a book of all my artwork someday, I hope to do that.

There's alot of happy ones back then too, sometimes I wonder what made me so happy, but I guess I can tell, when you get older the cost of living is a bit more, I mean I don't really have any big expense, but it's tough, there's still alot of costs and it's hard to take them all on when you have little money, but I've been doing that to myself for the last decade, I keep on making a little bit of money then it seems to drift out while I just try to maintain a budget or I just break even.

Sometimes I just want to go back in time and resume on a good day, like a good save on a RPG, right now it's just tough as I have little money and wish I had alot more for life.

My LJ icons are awesome, I miss them, I used to photo whore all the time on this, it was fun. I really need to post some new pictures on here and other networks, I wonder how long LJ will be around for, it's funny how the internet moves.

I wish I wasn't so depressed though, I hope things turn out better this week and Temporal Manifest Destiny does come true, lately with this economy I find my self casting magical spells of money creating, winning, earnings and plain out miracles for me, I could use them. I really need a girlfriend too, I hate to while these things should already be true. I dream alot about a good girlfriend, I've been dating off and on for awhile but still I seem to be getting lots of stupid hoes, hate dumb bitches, lucky there are some few girls out there, but none ever want to date me, or they want someone less nerdy, I always wanted a nice girl that was rich to date me, I think that would be awesome, but implausible, as I see time, I feel like someday when I have enough money I'll train a girl to be a good lover since that's the order of the world.

I've been dreaming too long of what a dream girl would be like, it's always fun to talk about them when they are fun, I used to talk about alot of old girlfriends on here that weren't half bad. I wish they weren't so mean to me, I really need a girl that cares about my real feeling and thoughts, it's rare to find someone who even cares.
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